Want, need, and guilt
by SkinXLess
Summary: Lupin wants Tonks and has a talk with Sirius. A writing exercise.


Remus Lupin stared across the table at Nymphodora Tonks, trying not to be too obvious. Arthur droned on and on about something or another at the ministry but Lupin had no part of it, his attention was focused on the lip that Tonks kept biting as she listened nervously. Her bubblegum pink hair spiked around her hair like a halo, making her look very much like the angel he saw her as. When he looked at her this hungry need rushed through him, he couldn't explain it. He'd never felt like that about anyone before, not even the few girls he'd dated back at Hogwarts. Not even the blonde auror he'd lost it to back during the first Order of the Phoenix. She stirred something inside him.

Her eyes met his, catching his staring. Hesitantly, she gave a small smile. The animal inside him scratched at him, begging to be released. Lupin wasn't the only one who wanted the younger witch, the wolf did too. But he knew this was his cue to look away. He wouldn't be the big bad wolf who lures the innocent girl to her doom. Everything about his feelings for her was wrong. She deserved better. He could ignore it all if he just kept remembering that.

After Arthur finished up Molly went to fetch the children for dinner. Lupin was out of his seat mumbling excuses to leave the moment he could. He could feel Tonks's eyes boring into his back her stare awakening something that had been dormant in him ever since the Potter's had died. _No,_ he reminded himself_, monsters don't get to be happy. You had your chance and it was shot to hell._

Sirius's hand clamped down on Lupin's shoulder before he could sneak out the door. His old friend turned him towards him, an expression of mock hurt on his face. "Not staying for dinner, mate?"

Lupin looked into his friend's weathered grey eyes before sighing, "I was just, err, going to wash up." He couldn't disappoint Sirius. The twelve years apart had been hard on him. Then again, being thrown in Azkaban for supposedly killing your best friend and his wife would be hard on anyone. Sirius had become clingy in the years since he'd escaped. There was an emptiness in him that only James could fill and try as he might, Lupin couldn't even return him to a ghost of his former self.

Sirius's face brightened a bit, releasing his old friend. "Good, Moony, wouldn't want you running out on me. Harry's bought to come down for his hearing." His voice dropped so low that, if it weren't for the wolf, Lupin wouldn't have caught it. "You know how hard it is for me to face him. I've got to…prepare."

Lupin _did _know. The young boy looked so much like his father that Lupin had been sure he was seeing the ghost of James on the train that first night until Harry had turned around and looked at him with Lily's eyes. If it was hard for Lupin that was nothing compared to how hard it was for Sirius. Every time they met, the older man would have to prepare himself, never fully ready for that spark of hope and longing for James that always came. "I'll be here, like always."

"I've got to use the loo." A voice rang out, interrupting them. The hairs on Lupin's neck prickled. He should've sense her walking up to them; he could sense her everywhere else she went. Tonks stood beside them, her tiny face looking up at them expectantly. Her bright eyes shot from Lupin to her cousin and back again before she heaved a heavy sigh and pushed them out of the way. "You're blocking the door."

The place where she touched him burned, making the wolf inside long for more. It had been forever since a girl had touched him. He couldn't stop himself from watching her head up the stairs, devouring the way her curves moved as she climbed each step-

"Oi!" Sirius's voice brought Lupin back to the situation. "Were you just checking out my cousin?"

Like a child caught in the act, Lupin stuttered for a reply. A slight blush crept over his features and he hoped no one overheard. "Of course not."

"Blimey, I haven't seen you look at a girl like that since Hogwarts." Sirius laughed, clapping his hand down on his friend's shoulder. "You used to look at Emmeline Vance like that."

Lupin shrugged out from under his friends grip, making his way out the door. Unfortunately, Sirius wasn't letting this go. He fully intended to take the mickey out on him. "You would moon after her so much that we almost decided to change the reason we called you Moony."

After checking to make sure no one was in the sitting room he finally decided to confess. "Fine. I was looking at her. It's nothing, I just find her fascinating."

"Bullshit." Sirius laughed. Then, his face full of innocence he'd never possessed, he grabbed Lupin's arm and asked: "Are you planning on making an honest woman out of her?" He couldn't even finish the question without letting out a howl of laughter.

"Come off it, Padfoot. It's just harmless."

"You should marry her, Moony. Then you'd be my cousin, you'd be a Black." Sirius threw himself down on the old couch that groaned in protest.

Following his friend, the other marauder sat down too. "I'm not quite sure that's how that works, mate. I think she'd be a Lupin."

"Naturally. Only I get cursed with being a Black." Sirius sighed, running a hand through his dark hair.

"Nah, you're not a Black, Padfoot, you're a Potter." Lupin reached out to give his friend's shoulder a squeeze. "You know they would've adopted you if they hadn't been attacked."

"That doesn't make it any better, Moony."

"I know."

"You're going to marry my cousin."

"I am not."

"You're going to marry her and have children, lots of little Remus's running about."

Lupin cringed, watching as Tonks walked past and back into the kitchen. "Don't curse her with that Padfoot. She deserves better than what I can give her."

"Remus-"

"She deserves better Sirius." And that was that.


End file.
